saying goodbye sucks.

I've had a really great day -- but it is no longer possible to postpone saying goodbye to people. I saw the Hollowells for the last time today, and I was determined not to cry. I failed.

Last night the six of us singles who came to ICSB at the same time got together for one final dinner together and looked at old pictures and told crazy stories about each other. I managed to enjoy it and not cry, but it's so strange to think that I may not see these people again, especially when they've been such a huge part of my life for the past three years.

I just really, really hate the finality of these goodbyes.

So I've been consoling myself as I finish up grading by eating leftover cake and listening to some of my favorite melancholy music. Check out Joe Pug if you haven't already. Very Dylan-esque. I heard this song months ago on All Songs Considered, but I can't quite forget it, so I've been playing it all afternoon. I think I just love the lyrics:

i've come to test the timbre of my heart
oh i've come to test the timbre of my heart
and i've come
to be untroubled in my seeking
and i've come
to see that nothing is for naught
i've come to reach out blind
to reach forward and behind
for the more I seek the more I'm sought
yeah the more I seek the more I'm sought

Good stuff when you're feeling pensive.

If you happen to read this tonight, say a little prayer for me. I'm starting to worry that I won't make it through the song I'm singing tomorrow morning at graduation!