prayer request

I didn't want to write about this before, partly because I wanted Dad to be able to tell people before they read it here, and partly because I just needed to process it. but here goes:

Last week, I found out some awful news. My dad has been tentatively diagnosed with Shy-Drager Syndrome. You can read more about it here; it's what Johnny Cash had, and it's similar to Parkinson's. There is no cure. Right now he only has one symptom, fluctuating blood pressure, so we're holding out hope that this is a misdiagnosis. However, we are also trying to prepare for the possibility of it being accurate. We would love to have your prayers.

When I was in college, I found out my dad had cancer. I immediately started throwing up. I then spent the rest of the night sobbing to my friends.

A few years later, when Mom was really sick, too, I spent most of the night arguing with God. When I finally shouted myself out, I just cried until I fell asleep.

This time, my reaction has been much quieter. I think that could be because I'm older -- but also because I am learning so much about the nature of God. I've been reading Reaching for the Invisible God by Philip Yancey, one of my favorite authors. This passage really stood out to me:
In the face of tragedy, I can respond either by blaming and turning against God or by turning toward him, trusting him to fashion good out of bad. One option focuses on the past and closes off the future. The other option opens the future, allowing an Artist to use whatever happens as the raw material for a new story, different than it would have been without the tragedy or failure, but in some ways even richer, redeemed.

I love that. I love that God can redeem any aspect of our fallen world, no matter how terrible, and use it for His glory. I've seen it proven, too. Yes, Dad's cancer was horrible and frightening -- but it enabled Dad to minister to others in the same situation. Yes, it was terrifying not knowing what was going on with Mom -- but it taught me that it's ok to wrestle with God. And in both cases, I'm convinced our family became even stronger.

I'm sad and scared when I think about what the future may hold. I'm not sure I can handle it. BUT I am confident in the Lord. I am confident that He can work all things together for good.

And I am so grateful I was already planning to go home! I couldn't understand why I felt drawn back; I don't want to leave Hungary! But now I am so thankful that God has been actively leading me this whole time, even when I didn't know any of this.

This is getting long, so I'll end with one of my favorite quotes: The world breaks everyone, and afterwards some are stronger in the broken places (Hemingway).

Pray that in our brokenness we may turn to God and find strength.